Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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