Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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