After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
