How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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