i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
