I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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