Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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