He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
