508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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