But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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