I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
