curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
