It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
