Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
