meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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