She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
