Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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