Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
