Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
