I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
