she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
