I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
