I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
