3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
