i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
