my mouth tastes like poor choices
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize