Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
