My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
