I am puke
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
