ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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