My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize