I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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