I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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