I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
