before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I sprained my soul last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
