OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
