Your face is a jimmy john
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my shit smells like andre
birth control should be required to get into college
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
