You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
