just tell him i said nine months
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
