I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
