I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
