Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
