Ambien. No doubt about it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
