how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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