Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
