based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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