You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
