I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
