I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
