Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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