Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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