I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
