dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
