4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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