Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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