like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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