My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
