Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
