I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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