Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
