someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How external is "for external use only"?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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