I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
