i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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