I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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