ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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