apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
